In Other Words: Melanie Chitwood

“Gentleness is part of being feminine -
part of being a woman,
and God made us distinctly different from men on purpose!”
~ Melanie Chitwood (Proverbs 31 Ministries) ~

It has taken a summer of learning about the God-ordained differences between men and women to be able to fully appreciate this quote. I wrote about these differences in men and women in this post, comparing women to noodles that need to be loved and men to waffles that need to be respected, drawing upon analogies from Bill and Pam Farrell's, "Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti," and Dr. Emerson Eggerich's, "Love & Respect." These two video series (also available in book form), creatively unpacked the uniquely designed attributes in men and women, leaving me with a much better appreciation for our God-given differences.

In light of all this recent study, I am able to take in Melanie Chitwood's quote at face value. I know she is referring to the differences in a positive light, and encouraging us to be comfortable in our very uniquely created skin. However, there is something inside of me that squirms and bucks at the implication that in order to be feminine, you have to also be gentle. In all my life, I have never been considered gentle, neither physically nor verbally. Mom and Dad were always reminding me to "Walk light, stopping stomping around; don't slam the door, close it softly; you're going to break it, handle things more carefully, Elisa." All of my childhood, I thought they were overreacting, until I married my husband and found him saying the same things, in his own gentle and loving way.

I've always been rough and somewhat abrupt; loud and always sounding off. So, if gentleness means feminine, where does that leave me? Masculine. Ick. I know that I know that I know that I am a woman, created with a purpose, and designed to glorify God. While I may not be gentle in the traditional sense of the word, I am certainly feminine in so many other ways and an entirely different creature than any of the men in my life.

I suppose my hang up with the description of gentleness as a feminine quality is that I automatically assume it is referring to an outward attribute instead of the inward description of the spirit. Gentle on the outside, I may never be! Gentle on the inside? Well, that's becoming true!

Like many women, and even men, I've struggled with the fact that, until recently, I lacked the unfading beauty of a gentle and quite spirit on the inside. For years, I felt like I missed the mark of a truly Godly woman, and I struggled with the description in 1 Peter 3:4.

Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

As I wrestled with the Lord over this verse and belief that I would never have a gentle spirit, God showed me the problem. Years of bitterness, anger, rage, and unforgivness had been clogging up and destroying my spirit. Over this past year, as I've allowed the Lord to deal with the source of my harsh and irritable spirit through walking me through deep, real, and grief-filled issues from my past, I've witnessed a transformation. God released His cleansing blood and brought forth His healing touch on my stony and bitter heart. That gentle and quiet spirit that I longed for is becoming a part of my reality.

Yes, God made women completely different from men; I've always agreed with this truth and have been grateful for it (most of the time). But gentleness as a part of femininity--well, that is something I think is only partly true. Gentleness as a part of the inner self--as God's spirit indwells in each of us through HIS extravagant grace--now that is entirely true!

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Thanks to Iris for hosting IOW today.
Be sure to stop by Sting My Heart to read other posts on this quote.