Respect from a Noodle

What does respect from a noodle have to do with loving my husband and wearing this shirt?

Well, let me see if I can explain.

Women are noodles.
And by the way, they think in pink and hear in pink,
and also need to be loved.

Men are like waffles.
And by the way, they think in blue and hear in blue,
and also need to be respected.

Yes, I said that women, typically speaking, are like a bunch of spaghetti noodles. As they communicate and share deep thoughts, they tend to travel all over the plate. One noodle can touch a huge surface area. The comparison is to men, of course. They are not noodles. They are waffles, meaning that they think in little boxes and their communication style sticks pretty close to the subject at hand or the event taking place.

Now before you give me credit for coining this idea, let me tell you it has been a learned truth and not a discovered one. Thanks to Bill and Pam Farrel, my husband and I were able to enjoy their very light hearted but effective teaching on the subject through a small group video series, "Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences."

Over the course of seven sessions including workbook assignments, the Farrel's unpack the typical differences in the way men and women communicate as well as offer plenty of ideas on how to improve your relationship with your spouse. They also touch on how to better understand your children by considering how God uniquely created everyone with a different style of processing information. While the Farrell's advice plays up typical gender differences, their suggestions are extremely valuable even if you don't fit the mold!

As my husband and I spent the summer putting these noodle and waffle ideas in practice--i.e., my husband got busy learning how to "pack his bags and go on the emotional journey with me," while I tried to figure out how to stay in the box and help him understand how my thoughts connected together in a logical way--we were also being deeply influenced by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' series, "Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs." Of course, we didn't intend to view both series over the same period of time, but after just glimpsing at Eggrerichs' material, we were pretty sure they would worked hand-in-hand to unpack typical marriage pitfalls and the way out.

The Love & Respect series, in particular, intrigued us because of the depth of the material. It was twice as long, encompassing five DVDs that included 14 total sessions. While Farrell's light-hearted approach and practical applications were extremely beneficial, Eggerichs' deeper theological approach and psychological explanations offered more meat to chew on. We opted to watch them over four months, popping them in on a weekend night instead of watching TV.

Eggerichs' principles are so simple. Men hear in blue and speak in blue. Women hear in pink and speak in pink. Sometimes we need to slow down and translate for each other. Even more important than this pink/blue concept is that men are designed to respond to respect while women are designed to respond to love. The crazy cycle happens when a husband doesn't feel respected, so that he doesn't give love to his wife, and she doesn't feel loved so she doesn't give respect...and on and on. He challenges men and women alike to give what the other needs instead of focusing on what you want to receive.

Now, you may be wondering why my husband and I have invested so much time into this marriage stuff? Well, I have to admit, it was something I felt needed more attention than my husband did, but by the grace of God, he felt it was not an inconvenience. We have been married for eleven years and both of us come from broken homes. While our marriage has been good overall, we've had our fair share of communication problems and mistakes. As I'm sure you've experienced, bad habits tend to be harder to break than good ones. My husband and I have found ourselves more and more frequently in a crazy cycle of bickering over nothing rather than dealing in loving and respectful ways with the issues at hand.

I'd have to say that we've truly reaped the benefits of all this marriage training. Learning about our God-given differences in communication styles as well as our differing need for love and respect has been a huge blessing on our marriage. We still struggle to keep the bad, old habits from being alive and active, but through God's grace, usually one of us remembers the concepts and techniques we've learned, applying them to diffuse the squabble and work things out more peacefully.

We've also changed how we interact in a normal moment. For example, instead of interrupting my husband while he's watching a game, and probing him to tell me what he's thinking about, I pull up alongside him and wait until commercial break to share my story or pick his brain. And instead of my husband glazing over wondering where I am heading in my conversation, he looks intently into my eyes carrying his bags on the emotional journey. We've also picked up Eggerichs' phrases, "Did I come across disrespectful? I am sorry. What I meant to say was...", "Did that feel unloving? I am sorry. I meant...", and "I know you're a good-willed person...".

Yes, we've learned that women are like pink noodles hungry for love while men are like blue waffles craving respect. And as a result, we're on a mission to practice what we've learned for the sake of our marriage and our children's future. But we're also just as nuts about challenging other couples to invest in their marriage using these resources. The results are so profound, with the ability to change a marriage caught in the "crazy cycle" into a union that glorifies God and testifies to His amazing, extravagant grace.

In addition to both these video series, the author's have produced books and workbooks for folks wishing to learn the concepts on their own. Here is what they have available at Amazon:

You can also check out their websites:

http://www.masterfulliving.com/

http://www.loveandrespect.com/

And now you know why I have in my Zazzle.com gallery store a t-shirt that reads, "I love my husband! And I respect him, too!" Grab the slogan and customize it to a shirt of your choosing! Tell the world that loving our husbands means respecting them, too!

I love my husband and respect him,... - Customized by extragrace
Get this custom shirt at Zazzle