Thread of Grace for Teen Gals

I shared this message last night with a small group of beautiful and vibrant gals, hungry to enjoy their last year of high school and wisely concerned about their future. The theme for the evening was "Endings," which I tied into the theme that has been on my own heart about the Thread of Grace.

I share it here at EG especially for the teen gals to refer back to and share with their friends, but also to challenge all of older gals to live in the moment and sew a thread of grace into our lives.


A Talk with Senior Girls
November 12, 2007

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need.
My power works best in weakness.”
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

A Focus on "Endings"

I was so intrigued by the timing of the invitations me to join in hosting you for this senior girls gathering, especially with the theme being about endings. See, I’ve lived my life so incredibly focused on endings, that I’m practically an expert in this area. This is not something I am boasting about, but rather humbly admitting. Living for endings misses the most critical part of life…the time spent before the ending.

There must be some sort of genetic predisposition to live this way, because I even see it in my oldest daughter. Last week, during the same time I was considering what to share with you, I listened to my daughter moan over and over again about her classmate’s soon-to-be departure. His family decided to relocate, and the class only had one week to prepare for his unexpected move. What a throw back to the drama that surrounded the many endings in my own life, as I listened to her count the days and retell stories of their time together.

Just enjoy the time you have!

Ironically, I found myself tempted to repeat my mother’s mantra, “Just enjoy the time you have!” Pride kept me from saying such words, for I clearly remembering swearing to my mom over and over again that I was enjoying the moment, savoring it, in fact—whether it be the end of a school year, a friend’s party, vacation plans, class that was almost finished, or a friend moving. Looking back, however, I see that my mom was right. I wasn’t enjoying the moment. I was too busy reflecting on every detail about the impending transition—the seam that delineated the before from the after, the end from the next beginning.

I can finally admit that my mother was onto something significant in her advice to enjoy the moment, because I’ve learned that endings are never as final as I thought they would be. Just because I finished a class, graduated from high school, moved out of my parents’ home, or said goodbye to a friend, didn’t mean that that part of my life was over. On the contrary! God has given us fantastic minds that are able to record moments and turn them into either treasured, grace-filled memories or troves full of guilt and shame.

What thread will you weave?

The reality is, the way we spend our time before the ending is far more significant than the ending itself. In the midst of life is where the memory is built. Think of it this way, our experiences and relationships are sewn together by a thread. Depending on our actions and we responses, we either weave a thread of grace or a thread of regret, which become attached to those experiences and enmeshed in our memories.

What is the thread of grace?

For most of us, grace is this big picture sort of thing that we see through life-transforming events or in light of the Gospel message. According to the dictionary, it is defined as the freely given and unmerited love and favor of God, which automatically brings to mind the crucifixion of Jesus Christ and the process of salvation. Ephesians 2:8 considers grace in this light: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” Add to that understanding, Ephesians 1:7, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace.”

Another side of grace...

But there is another aspect of grace which we have the opportunity to weave into our lives, based on how we respond to our circumstances and relationships. Do we extend mercy, forgiveness, and gratitude on a daily basis, or are we bottled-up with bitterness, anger, and resentment? If we've made a wrong choice, either against God, ourselves, or someone else, do we seek forgiveness or dismiss it as being in the past? If we've been hurt by another, are we quick to forgive as we've been forgiven? All these scenarios require humility, as we admit our weakness and propensity to sin. But as we experience living grace with the Lord, we will be equipped to live it out with one another.

A testimony of grace...

Grace became a tangible expression of God’s love for me early in my faith walk. Before becoming a Christian, I lived a promiscuous lifestyle, keeping pace with many of my college friends. After I accepted Christ as my Savior—the moment in which I made the decision to believe that Jesus was the Son of God who died on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins—I began to realize that I would need to change some of my habits.

I look back and marvel at how long that realization took to become a reality. But the Lord was working on my heart all along, making me hungry to know more about Him. My friend, Susan, sent me a Bible for Christmas and I began reading it looking for all the “shall’s” and “shall not’s.” Over just a few months, by the power of God's grace, I made dramatic changes in my lifestyle. Through that process, I had to accept God’s grace and forgiveness, which enabled me to continue moving forward, making the right choices every day as I grew in my faith.

I had plenty of opportunity to practice this new lifestyle when I started dating my future-husband just a few months after becoming a Christian. One of our very first conversations after we started dating was about our physical boundaries. He was unsure of my expectation, considering my previous lifestyle. I quickly and boldly said that I was going to stay pure until my wedding night. I knew he had been waiting until marriage, and I was thrilled to finally be dating a guy that shared my new desires. We waited. Two-and-half years of dating, including our engagement, and we never broke that covenant with each other that we made before the Lord. Was it easy? No. Did it require many boundaries on how we spent our time? Absolutely.

An illustration of grace

I share this story with you as an illustration of God’s grace playing out very specifically in my life. I could have easily continued living a promiscuous lifestyle, believing that the damage was already done and there was no hope for the future. Instead, I chose to live as 1 Peter 1:13 describes, “Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.” By doing so, I didn’t erase the past, but I made a right choice, in the moment, that has brought much joy to my marriage. Our act of faithfulness before the Lord has become a testimony to the power of God at work in our lives. When we look back on the memory of our first two and half years together, we see a thread of grace weaved throughout it.

What is the thread of guilt?

While I have many memories that are weaved with the thread of grace—from the birth of my children, to pursing my passion to write and create, from the gentle rebukes of the Lord when I face my own sin, to the reality that I would be an entirely different person, with a completely different life, without the personal relationship I have with Jesus Christ as my Savior. But I have equally as many memories, especially from my young adult years, that are weaved with the thread of guilt. These were sewn together from poor decisions, sin committed against me, and my own rebellion.

When I was in high school, I had a really good friend, Shelby. We did everything together. I don’t remember having many difficulties in our friendship, but I do remember one fall day when we were together. We got into some sort of fight and I cursed at her. Now mind you, we both cursed all the time. It wasn’t just that I cursed that offended her, but that I cursed at her using a four-letter word. She never talked to me again. Our friendship ended that very moment. I know I said I was sorry, but she never accepted my apology. My wicked tongue destroyed a friendship. Her hardened heart kept it that way. If only we had taken hold of God’s grace—His unmerited favor on our lives—and shared that with each other! A thread of guilt and regret was woven, instead of a thread of grace through practicing humility, compassion, and forgiveness.

Ask yourself this...

One way to assess whether we are weaving a thread of grace or a thread of guilt into our lives is to look at our attitude and response to situations when they are fresh in our minds. Each time we mess up, do we forgive ourselves or fall into self-loathing? When we say the wrong thing and hurt a friend, do we apologize or blow them off? When we’ve been hurt, do we forgive or resent? When we’ve broken a boundary in our relationship with a boyfriend, do we continue to do so, or do we change our situation to protect ourselves the next time?

The refusal to accept grace from God only breeds guilt and regret--the sinking pit in your gut that stays with you years later as you recall hurtful memories. Guilt weaves a wicked web around your soul and traps you from living free, as Satan as the accuser (Revelation 12:10), keeps you from accepting God’s grace and mercy. (For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. Romans 6:14)

Endings keep us from considering the thread

If we live our lives focused on the endings, overlooking the way we are living in the moment, we miss the opportunity to weave a thread of grace instead of thread of guilt! We must look how we are living our lives! Endings don’t matter half as much as what happens before. They are just a blip on the radar screen—the transition point that binds one moment to the next, where the seam may or may not be noticed. But the thread that is woven through your life can always be traced down. Let me ask you this: Are you making memories marked by a thread of grace, bound to Jesus Christ, and all that He offers? Or are you weaving thread of guilt and regret through your experiences and relationship, being duped into believing it won’t matter down the road?

May I challenge you...

My challenge to you is to not focus on the ending of this school year and the beginning of what you hope for the rest of your life, but to focus on now. Today. This moment. Consider the state of your heart. Evaluate the tenderness of your soul toward Godly things. Invest in your relationships with your family, friends, and mentors. Search hard to find ways to treat each other exceptionally. Uncover opportunities to inspire others. Practice forgiveness with one another. Receive it from the Lord and from yourself.

Live out God's grace

Most importantly, read the Word of God for yourself. Put your mind and heart into the Scriptures, looking for truth. There are so many verses that talk about the grace of God and the hope He has in store for you. As you learn it and study it, you’ll be able to live it out.

My most favorite verse about grace is 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is all you need. My power is works best in weakness.” Paul is claiming this truth right after admitting that a thorn in his side has not been removed from the Lord. He isn’t declaring it from a seat of perfection. On the contrary, he claims it because he needs God’s grace.

You, too, should make this a Scripture to live by, encouraging you to accept God’s grace in every situation. Don’t feel you need to be strong on your own and achieve some super woman status. Admit your weakness, and that you need Jesus! Do as the verse says, “So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” If you live by this verse, God will sew a thread of grace throughout your life, and your memories will be treasures worth holding onto! Your endings will be marked by celebrations of the wonderful times God bestowed His extravagant grace upon your life and you, in turn, shared it with others.

click here to read the Thread of Grace post that inspired this message and to make the Thread of Grace Covenant