Dear Mom...Tell It Like It Is!

Although my children have yet to hit their teenage years, I have lived with and been a mentor to teenage girls for the past 12 years. On an ordinary day, I feel like I know the female teen mind inside and out, but I would be foolish to pass on the opportunity to learn more. That is why I agreed to review, "Dear Mom: Everything Your Teenage Daughter Wants You to Know But Will Never Tell You," by Melody Carson.

In my opinion, the key problem in connecting with the next generation is a "know it all, tired of it by now" mentality. I can understand this more and more, as I see myself growing weary in facing repeated issues again and again with my young children. A mother of a teenage daughter has reach her maximum threshold of tolerance just when the demand for her attention reaches an all time high. The cycle of too much drama-filled, weepy-eyed demands combined with self-absorbed, inconsiderate, laziness is too much for any single mom to stand. A shutdown, hostile relationship replaces fairy tale-like dreams of sugar coated conversations while dancing through shopping mall sales.

The older I get, the more I see how easily mother-daughter relationships disintegrate. But that doesn't have to be the case. I can not pretend to know the answer of how to mother teen girls - as I haven't yet earned my stripes - but I do know what I course I hope to take when it is my turn, based on my experience watching and listening to teens (and their mothers) over the last ten years:

1. Pray now...and don't stop praying.
2. Listen first, speak much much later (practice this technique from the moment they are born!)
3. Try to remember that the goal of adolescence is to become an independent functioning adult, not a clone of mommy.
4. Take the advice of other mothers, and listen to the hearts of other teenage girls!

"Dear Mom," by Melody Carson, does a fantastic job of giving advice in a light-hearted yet convicting fashion. Written with the voice of a teenage girl, it is a fresh read. Instead of a dry, lecture on parenting by an expert, it feels more like a show you'd find on the ABC family network. As a conservative Christian mom, that is just the splash of cold water I need to make my maternal jeans stand to attention.

Here's a bit from the publisher...

Best-selling author Melody Carlson, whose books for women, teens, and children have sold more than three million copies, bridges this chasm with trusted insight. She speaks frankly in the voice of the teen daughters she’s written for and she tells it like it is: struggles with identity, guys, friendship, and even parents—it’s all here. The straight-talk to moms covers such things as “I need you, but you can’t make me admit it,” “I’m not as confident as I appear,” and “I have friends. I need a mother.”
Instead of focusing on outward behaviors, Dear Mom looks at a young woman’s heart and reveals to moms:

• how to talk to teens so they hear,
• how to connect despite the differences of perspective or years and experiences,
• and how strengthen the bond every mom and daughter ultimately wants.

The lively chapters in Dear Mom can be dipped into topically or used as a read-through tool by moms and daughters alike to understand what motivates or deflates, troubles or inspires—and just in time for Mother’s Day and all the Mother’s Days ahead.

And more about the Author

Melody Carlson is the award-winning author of more than one hundred books for adults, children, and teens, with sales totaling more than three million copies. Beloved for her Diary of a Teenage Girl and Notes from a Spinning Planet series, she’s also the author of the women’s novels Finding Alice (in production now for a Lifetime-TV movie), Crystal Lies, On This Day, These Boots Weren’t Made for Walking, and A Mile in My Flip-Flops. A mother of two grown sons, Melody lives in central Oregon with her husband and chocolate lab retriever. She’s a full-time writer and an avid gardener, biker, skier, and hiker.

While I can't promise that Dear Mom will give you everything you need to know about parenting your teenage daughter, it will certain give you an inside scoop into her thinking and a familar encounter with her verbage. I happen to think it will soften you, and maybe even heal some of your own teen year hurts in the process. This may be more about realizing who you were, and what you needed as a young adolescent, and give you a great appreciate for yoru mother just in time for Mother's Day. It is never to late to say, "Thanks Mom! I know you tried your best!"