It is not an easy life.

Beth Moore writes in her study, "Esther: It Is Tough Being a Woman,"

As much as my flesh wanted relief, I knew that when all was said and done, I'd sit on that side of glory having much rather fulfilled my calling than served myself all the way to meaninglessness. I had to accept that I was not called to an easy life. I was called to a purposeful life.

Are you coming to some of the same conclusions?

YES.

If so, what circumstances have helped you?

Life since August 5, 2009. The Word since January 9, 2008.

Will you humor me and let me explain the blow by blow, as well as God's provisions?

2008
Jan 9 Began reading in my "new" Bible, with the mission to read every verse, no matter how long it takes. To this date, I've read all of the NT except for Luke, and all of the OT, except for Judges, 2 Kings, and 1 & 2 Chronicles. As a result, I have a deeper sense of how Scripture ties together and a much fuller picture of our Sovereign God.

too much to list in between, but it goes something like this: rejection, mild depression, another rejection, healing, opportunity, new ministry, blessings, character stretching situations, more ministry experiences, admitting I don't trust God, and a determined focus on trust verses.

2009
Aug 5 Finally surrendered to the reality of suffering in a Christian's life, and the opportunity to display God's splendor to a watching world, thanks to amazing teaching by Pastor James MacDonald.

God's provision: A new found peace; and understanding of what it means to hope in the Lord!

Sep 4 Husband, Stephen, wakes up with swollen glands and put on antibiotics by doctor later that day.

God's provision: getting a doctor's appointment.

Sep 5 Stephen's face was completely swollen and sent to the ER, where we spent the day and they put on different antibiotics.

God's provision: sis-in-laws in town to stay with kiddos

Sep 15 Car needs new transmission, but the expense is worth more than the car.

God's provision: sis-in-law able to stay with twins while I was at the dealer for 6 hours!

Sep 17 Buy new car.

God's provision: help from family!

Sep 19 Kick-off ministry event at church. Find out spiritual daughter was in hospital the day before for unknown illness, and leave husband on couch with fever and chills.

God's provision: kiddos that obey their sick daddy and get themselves to bed

Sep 20 Husband sick in bed (for the next seven days).

God's provision: unexplainable peace and ability to serve like never before...actually practicing Holy Habits!

Sep 22 New car is making funny noises.

God's provision: a new perspective -- in light of Stephen's illness, this seemed minor!

Sep 23 Car still making noises. Call dealership and only answer is to bring it in. Stephen and I prayed and in a moment of strength, he took it for a test drive. No more noises. We're convinced that God "healed" the car, and that He used this situation to show me some deeper, unresolved issues that came out during our prayer time.

God's provision: Stephen's only well moment all week!

Sep 27 Stephen was still sick and out of work, so he finally went to the doctor, only to find out he has C. Difficile (stay tuned for my future campaign to prevent others from this awful illness), thanks to the antibiotic treatment from Sep 5, and put on another antibiotic.

God's provision: Stephen began to recover.

Sep 29 I come down with a sore throat. Get behind thee, Satan.

God's provision: praying friends!

Oct 1 I leave for Holy Habits retreat (thankful for all I've learned, as the hours in the Word and the practice of the truth I prepared to teach on enabled me to know full well that I need to keep my mind in gear and my heart yielded to the Lord) and travel. Stephen is well enough for me to go, with his mom staying the week to help.

God's provision: Every detail of this experience had God-prints all over them!

Oct 4 I wake up early in the morning, and run to the bathroom ill. After rebuking Satan in the name of Jesus, and determining with the Lord that I WILL give the last session of the retreat that morning, I read my Scripture memory cards and studied the message over and over again. The symptoms subsided and completely disappeared by the time I started speaking.

God's provision: Having my Scripture memory cards with me (Thanks, Beth Moore!), and the knowledge of Holy Habits, in order to put it into practice!

Oct 6 Lose cell phone while traveling.

God's provision: able to borrow Kathy's!

Oct 7 Transportation doesn't show up at airport and had to borrow cell phones to call home and make other arrangements, arriving home at midnight.

God's provision: ATM machine to take out additional cash to pay for transportation. Friendly airport people who let me borrow their phones!

Oct 10 Husband feeling ill again.

God's provision: It was after I got home!

Oct 11 Take sweet Stephen to the ER with fever and chills, and other unmentionable symptoms, and he was hospitalized that night.

God's provision: my sweet mom willing to come over to stay with the kids, the triage nurse being one of our closest friends, calls and emails from our community, help from our family, prayers from our sisters and brothers in Christ.

Oct 12 Still in hospital.

God's provision: mom!!!, a encouraging call from our pastor, a visit from a colleague, nice hospital staff!

Oct 13 Still in hospital.

God's provision: love of friends and family, food!

Oct 14 Discharged.

God's provision: the routine of preschool, the help of friends, an unexpected hour to take a nap.

Oct 15 Still ill...

God's provision: routine of life and usual demands to keep the mind from going south.

Oct 16 Still ill...

God's provision: ability to pray and just tell God how much this stinks!

Oct 17 Still trusting God and His purposes in all of this.

God's provision: remembering everything else that is good -- heat, a home, food, a car, money to pay the medical bills -- and getting up early to take our spiritual daughter to the train, ending up with an hour before the dawn to study the Word and reflect on this suffering season.

Oct 18 Still trusting God.

God's Provision: perspective that is rooted in Scripture, a year of memorizing His Word and intentionally praying, and the discipline of Bible study that brings about the reality His truth...life is hard, but God is still good and He does provide!

I don't know which is more difficult -- emotional trials, spiritual trials, or physical trials. Maybe they are not meant to be compared. Maybe each one stands on its own. This one seems to be a combination of all three. I have finally learned that, as Beth wrote, life is not easy. And I finally believe that it won't ever be. We have an 80% chance that my husband will fully recovery. That means we have a 20% chance this will become a chronic illness. Only time will tell. I don't like waiting. And when I have to wait, I usually make a plan. But this time, I'm not planning. It is a waste of time. I can't predict the future. It is in God's hands. All I can do is live in the moment, taking responsibility for the seconds before me and trusting God with the hours ahead.

Yes, my flesh wants relief. But I know that when all is said and done, I want to sit on that side of glory having much rather fulfilled my calling -- to love my husband, nurture my children, say "yes" to God" -- than served myself all the way to meaninglessness. Yes, I have had to accept that I was not called to an easy life, but that I was called to a purposeful life...to love my Lord, to display God's splendor, and to testify about His extravagant grace.

What is the means by which God is showing you that your life your may not be easy but it can still be purposeful? Have you found relief from the pain by trusting God, too?

Only By His Grace and Mighty Power,