With my ear turned toward the Lord, and heart ready to receive His voice, I dove into the task of weeding my rose garden. Calling the garden "mine" is truly a misnomer. It actually belongs to the legacy of the family who built the house I now call home. I am simply the newest steward, attempting to devote time to this daunting task. Determined to make this morning duty worthwhile, I opened my heart to the Lord:
"Speak to me, Lord. It is just you and me here. Show me Lord what your will is. Give me your direction and understanding. Please pour forth your wisdom."
Working my way down to the soil, hunched over my not-so-cushy kneeling pad, I went after the rolling meadow of clover and onion sprouts. Muttering about the need to tend to this bed weekly, so that the task would not be so daunting, I begged God again to speak to my soul and allow this time to be communion with Him.
Silence.
Truly, my negligence of this rose bed is more than obvious.
Lord, did I even ask for a rose bed?
But my pride motivated me beyond resentment and into diligent work, pushing the dull ache of my back to the far reaches of my mind.
For what might the neighbors think of me?
Bent over and plucking away, God told me exactly.
It doesn't matter what they think. It matters what I think.I know, Lord. I know.
My divided heart rose to a show-stopping display of emotions, and the Lord used it to uncover a barrage of truth -- truth that I've begged to hear from Him about again and again over the last few months. It was truth I've been too busy, too distracted, or too verbal during quiet time, to hear Him speak. But now, on my knees, literally, the Lord had my full attention and spoke loudly.
You're afraid to take a step of faith.
Listen to me.
The flower bed is like your life. The soil is what is going on in your soul and thoughts and heart and life. It is full of weeds and thorns. These rose bushes are the people and purposes I have for you. They need nutrients received through the soil -- you. You can't sustain all of this without being fed and connect to the source giver, Me. I need more of you.Okay, Lord.
I grabbed a notepad and pen, which I just happened to have outside in order to jot down some patio furniture dimensions. I tossed it into soil nearby and got back to work.
Don't you know that we are different. See you weed because of what others might think of you. But I weed because my desire is to sustain the life I created. You are more concerned about appearances. I am concerned about the growth process, the fruit. You want this weeding process to be easy and comfortable. I want it accomplished, no matter the cost.
You weed -- serve, change, work, do -- because you want approval and blessing, not to bless others or serve those in need. This is not why I weed.Yes, Lord. You are right!
Since, I know this truth, but often forget it, I decided to write down exactly what the Lord had to say to me. I really wanted it to stick! But as I sat down in the dirt, a thorn distracted my attention, poking me in my thigh! Typical! Back on my knees, and thorn removed, I listened further!
You're busy loosening this soil with just one tool. I use many: conversations, the Word, Truth, trials, circumstances, people, my creation.
Why do you resist my weeding?
I even use the rain to soften the soil and make it possible to remove the weeds. Yes, my daughter, that rain is your tears -- the ones you shed for yourself and even on behalf of others.
Okay, Lord. I see this. I see all that you are saying. But what do you want me to do about the matters I am most concerned and confused about?
I want you to focus on love. Love on those I have put in your life. Love with the love I have given you. And write. And speak. And teach. Use the gifts I have given you. Do not be afraid of them. Do not reject them.
You are afraid because you'll have to trust me with the time, the Word, the message, the process, the acceptance, and even the rejection. Fear is holding you back. You are stuck in the weeds. There are deep roots of insecurity wrapped around you. The irritability, sadness, fatigue you are frustrated by stem from resisting my call and refusing to trust me. You are in quiet and masked rebellions. You need to lay down what you think you ought to be doing, and do what I've called you to do.Okay, Lord. But what?
You know what.Like a little toddler, I wanted to stick my fingers in my ears. But I can't silence the voice of God. I've begged His attention. I've pleaded for His instruction. Now I must listen and respond.
It is time to lay down Extravagant Grace. This season is over. Now it is time to devote to writing and the projects you've already started...and the new ones to come. You need to finish what I've given in you. You know, those book proposals, Bible studies, planner and things. You need to stop running from the work to which I've called you.But I don't want to!
I have not called you to be a blogger. It is a venue I used and the time is now over. I've called you to your family, friends, and the community right in front of you. It is time to be present with them, most of all.
Don't try to figure this out. Just do as I say.
Do you want to be like this bush in front of you, long, straggly, no flowers, no purpose?
No, Lord. I want to have flowers like that one over there.
Then let me prune.Okay.
Don't you know that I have good things in store for you. Trust me, daughter, child. Trust me.Yes, Lord. I lay it down.
God received my heart, as I was steadfast on seeking His will and wisdom about all matters of life. He spread His grace upon me, revealing the secrets thoughts of my divided heart whispered only in the silence of my mind. And now I must obey, even though I don't have all the answers or complete understanding. I will quietly and peacefully walk away, leaving a legacy of God's faithfulness behind, testifying to His extravagant grace. Grace that has marked my life. Grace that is available to you.
May you receive His extravagant grace on your life.
By His Grace & Mighty Power,
Posts
